[Old Country Road]

Thu, 08 Jun 2006 19:23:28 GMT

it just feels better.

Sat, 27 May 2006 01:34:24 GMT

meet kiley. my new baby. i got her today when i randomly stopped in crossville to an adoption event. she's really shy, but i think she'll gain my trust soon and will open up. she is precious.

Thu, 04 May 2006 05:11:09 GMT

this is my 11:11

-plans
-feeling like a weight has been lifted
-friendships
-middle tennessee
-SUMMER.

i'm not failing school. i'm doing alright. more than alright considering i never ever ever went to my classes.
i'm getting a dog soon.
i have to move soon.
i'm feeling whole again. omg i'm going to burst.

i'm boooooooooooooored.

Tue, 02 May 2006 03:38:09 GMT

1. first car - 97 dodge neon

2. where you grew up - clarksville, TN

haha that's a ghost in cville

3. where you live now - Murfreesboro, TN

.

4. your name -stephanie dowdy

1974 ms. virginia.

5. your favorite drink - diet coke

omg if you know me at all you know my obsession with squirrels

6. your favorite food - chicken and mushroom flavored ramen

7. your favorite song - June 18, 1976 pedro the lion

in other news i got my application for the zoo today and spent a FREE afternoon looking at animals.
i am now an owner of mtsu booty shorts and i wore them to my computer science exam. haha.
i need a new apartment.
i now have a bag of oreos and a whole bunch of diet rootbeer.
friday i plan on being completely drunk.
AFTER MAY 3RD I'M FREE FOR FOUR MONTHS FROM SCHOOL.

lets hangout.

Thu, 27 Apr 2006 07:45:14 GMT

so i'm in need for this weekend for various reasons.
mainly the reunions that are long overdue.

i've been in life waiting mode for a while now. i'm ready to start my life again. hello, i've had it on hold for too long.
i worked too hard for this to be it.

i made fun of myspace girls tonight.

Wed, 26 Apr 2006 23:36:25 GMT

sometimes i wish i was a southern bell. you know that go to those debutant [sp?] balls and have lots of money and i'd have that thick southern lady accent? these are things i think about sometimes. i pretty much want to be blanch from golden girls.. minus the slut part.

so today is COLD. i don't know what happend but the weather is super confused and it's making me confused. i wore a jacket and flip-flops today.
that's what you do when you are hit with a random cold day.

i'm going out of my mind i'm so bored. i miss having people around all the time. girl nights are a must.. but are none existent here these days.
long country drives.. happen every so often. GHOST HUNTING... well not so much.

seriously. if we have ever been friends in the past and don't talk now.. i forget why so you should too. i want my friends back. distance is lame and we are so much better than that. murfreesboro is sucking me dry.

Tue, 28 Mar 2006 21:39:53 GMT

today is beautiful and i can't breath.
sinus infections are no fun and i wish the one that is making residence in my head would move along. it's been long enough.
no more snot in head.
please.

Mon, 20 Mar 2006 05:24:26 GMT

every day i say the samething "i'm going to all my classes" "i'm going to stay busy" "i'm going to do better in school".
every day i skip at least one class. i spend the majority of my day sleeping or on the internet. i pass up studying for eating/tv/computer/sleeping.

in my head there is nothing to do. nothing worth doing.
i need an escape & i'm going to get it.

i'm not going back to school next semester.
i'm not living here starting july.
i am going to search out God with every inch of my being.
i am going to get away from everything that has influenced me the past two years and everything that has made my heart turn away.
i want to be on the path God wants me to be on.
& sometimes that means letting go of familiar surroundings. getting rid of friendly faces. quiting habbits that have formed.
little rituals that have taken presidence over what REALLY matters in the long run.

i say it everytime. and everytime i backslide because i just don't have the accountability and support i need.
it seems i'm alone in a sea of people.

we tend to push away people that love us the most because we know we are dissapointing them.

i don't like the person i've become. i'm cold hearted. depressed. lazy. selfish.
i'm just a shell of what i was. i used to have a fire inside. now i just have nothing.

this is for the best. i promise.

Sun, 19 Mar 2006 19:14:05 GMT

well i woke up this morning.
that has to be something good , right?

Sun, 19 Mar 2006 06:05:58 GMT

Concentrate
Don't you know
These are the days that leave you empty
They're leaving you cold
And say to me
As we grow old
These are the days that last forever
Never let it go

we all need a start over. we all need a vacation.
let go let go let go.
we all let go of people/things.
i'm in the mood to get away. i am soon. very soon.

i have a secret about my future.

Thu, 16 Mar 2006 19:19:04 GMT

i can't find my battery charger for my camera and it is killing me! it's so pretty outside.
i have to work until 11 tonight and i need to be in knoxville by tomorrow morning so i can pick up my bride's maid dress and get some shoes.
i've been trying to tan, since this dress is a really bright blue.
but i don't think my colour is going anywhere... still a bit pasty. but i'm just going to keep going until the wedding.
i get my hair and makeup done by a proffessional! fun stuff.

i'm trying to lose some weight. between birth control and quiting smoking... eating has become my new hobby.
after i finish this thing of deli turkey for sandwiches i'm going back to no meat. i'm thinking about no eggs or dairy as well.
cheese is so horrible for you anyways.

so beth is new york and i'm insanely jealous! but i'll be up there soon enough.
i want to visit the grand canyon. and grow out my hair. and ride horses.
my brain is everywhere!!! and i want to play basketball!!!!!!!!!!!!

today is beautiful.

Thu, 16 Mar 2006 03:45:25 GMT

we all have these feelings of passion that run through our veins from time to time.
right now my heart is pounding and i feel light and excited.
i just wish i knew why.

i want a humble existance. nothing fancy.
i just want the opportunity to live my life the way i want to.

i see bright blue skies and deep green grass.
i see small children in summer clothes and lawn chairs filled with close friends.
i see myself rushing around taking care of everything and everyone.
i see myself climbing into a bed i share with someone i love&loves me, and kissing goodnight.
i smell flowers and freshly cut grass.

i need more light & less darkness. i need more positive & less negative.
more love & less hate.
more forgiveness. absolute forgiveness.
i'm counting on people to be there even when they don't know i'm expecting them to be.
or maybe they do. maybe they knew all along? maybe they still know?

i need more books to read. anything. i've been living in fantasy land by reading way too many books of all kinds. i'm not close minded when it comes to printed stories. i give everything a chance. anything is worth reading at least once if someone actually had the patience and guts to spill their heart & head contents into print.

that's why i'm hoping you write your books.
that's why i'm hoping i write my stories.

015

Wed, 22 Feb 2006 16:29:14 GMT

I MISSED MY MEDIA CLASS BECAUSE MY PHONE WAS ON MANNER MODE.

seriously i should just quit this thing called life..

014

Wed, 22 Feb 2006 04:22:22 GMT

sometimes things just shut down.
sometimes people do too.

i want everything to be different. i want to be different.
my heart is full of love and good intentions.
my mouth is full of hate and jealousy.

i don't want to do anything lately. i'd rather sleep.
or daydream of better things/days.

i'm stuck stuck stuck.
i want to be free free free.

i'm watching a show about hammerhead sharks.

Thu, 16 Feb 2006 00:59:27 GMT

i want to live a fast paced life where i get to solve problems.
i want to be relied on. and i want to be under pressure.

i want to be known.
i want to pretend.
honestly ... i want to act.

silly??
i've spent my whole life pretending and spent all of highschool only doing drama related things.
but now i'm scared.

i need to grow out my hair.
i need to dye it back to something more natural.
i need to lose weight.
i need to go to class.
i need a passion. i need direction. blah blah blah!!!!!!!!!!!

i also want to marry isaac mizrahi.

013

Wed, 15 Feb 2006 09:13:57 GMT

i had a good weekend.
some people came over and we laughed and laughed friday night.
saturday we had a sleepover.
sunday i got these....

monday my dog got his balls cut off.
tuesday i laughed and laughed.

my valentine isn't here, but i see him friday.
you should go to exit/in on friday and go watch cassino.

Thu, 09 Feb 2006 08:39:32 GMT

i'm updating a lot.

I NEED POP PUNK BANDS.
WHAT DID YOU LISTEN TO IN HIGHSCHOOL??

012

Thu, 09 Feb 2006 06:02:41 GMT

FRIDAY NIGHT.
COME TO MURFREESBORO TO MY APARTMENT AND WATCH BOTH THE "SAW" MOVIES.
DRESS UP LIKE A DEAD PERSON.

011

Thu, 09 Feb 2006 04:51:02 GMT

FUCK SANTINO

I LOVE YOU NICK

010

Wed, 08 Feb 2006 19:37:54 GMT

so in the last two days i have managed to...

spend too much money.
seriously fall in love with sandra o.
have the apartment almost burn down.
had a hula hoop contest and lost.
start my period and feel like crap.
listen to my neighbors fight for real this time.
wake up to blood all over my neighbor's porch.
become an amazing cook/baker.
laugh my ass off.
see a dead body.
watch the weirdest movie ever.
fail a test.
pass a test.
been ready to beat two girls up at school.
daydream about a lot of mermaids.
cry uncontrolably to my boyfriend.
be completely content with circumstances.

Have you ever....

1. Made out for more than 3 minutes? Yes

2. Slept in a different bed? Yes

3. Made out in a movie theatre? No

4. Made out in the forest? No

5. Thought your cousin was hot? Yes

6. Played truth or dare? Yes

7. Slept naked? Yes

8. Taken a shower with the opposite sex? Yes

9. Gone over the speed limit? Yes

10. Painted your room? Yes

11. Drove a car? Yes

12. Danced in front of your mirror? Yes

13. Gotten dumped? Yes

14. Dumped someone? Yes

15. Stole money from a friend? No

16. Gotten in a car with people you just met? Yes

17. Been in a fist fight? No

18. Snuck out of your house? Yes

19. Had feelings for someone who didn't have feelings for you? Yes

20. Been arrested? No

21. Made out with a stranger? No

22. Left your house with out telling your parents? Yes

23. Had a crush on your neighbor? Yes

24. Ditched school to do something more fun? Yes

25. Slept in a bed with a member of the same sex? Yes

26. Seen someone die? Dying.

27. Been on a plane? Yes

28. Kissed a picture? Yes

29. Slept in until 3? Yes

30. Love someone or miss someone right now? Yesyesyes

31. Laid on your back and watched cloud shapes go by? Yes

32. Made a snow angel? Yes

33. Played dress up? Yes

34. Cheated while playing a game? Yes

35. Been lonely? Yes

36. Fallen asleep at school? Yes

37. Been to a club? Yes

38. Felt an earthquake? Yes

39. Touched a snake? Yes

40. Ran a red light? Yes

41. Been suspended from school? No

42. Had detention? Yes

43. Been in a car accident? Yes

44. Hated the way you look? Yes

45. Witnessed a crime? Yes

46. Been lost? Yes

47. Been to the opposite side of the country? Yes

48. Been to another country? Yes

49. Cried yourself to sleep? Yes

50. Sang karaoke? Yes

51. Done something you told yourself you wouldn't? Yes

52. Laughed till some kind of beverage came out of your nose? No

53. Caught a snowflake on your tongue? Yes

54. Kissed in the rain? Yes

55. Sung in the shower? Yes

56. Had a dream that you married someone? Yes

57. Glued your hand to something? No

58. Got your tongue stuck to a flag pole? No but i got my tongue stuck to my freezer.

59. Ever gone to school partially naked? No

60. Ever gone to school completely naked? No

61. Sat on a roof top? Yes

62. Didn't take a shower for a week? Yes

63. Ever been too scared to watch scary movies alone? Yes

64. Played chicken? Yes

65. Been pushed into a pool with all your clothes on? Yes

66. Been told you're hot by a complete stranger? Yes

67. Broken a bone? No

68. Been easily amused? Yes

69. Laughed so hard you cried? Yes

70. Cheated on a test? Yes

71. Forgotten someone's name? Yes

72. Blacked out from drinking? Yes

73. Played a prank on someone? Yes

74. Gotten expelled? No

76. Failed a class? No

77. Pretended to be scared? No

78. Stalked a crush? yes

79. Been stalked? Yes

80. Did you celebrate the 4th of July? yes

81. Thrown strange objects? Yes

82. Felt like killing someone? Yes

83. Thought about running away? Yes

84. Ran away? One time

85. Had detention and not attend it? Yes

86. Made parents cry? Yes

87. Cried over someone? Yes

88. Owned more than 5 sharpies? Yes

89. Dated someone more than once? Yes

90. Have dogs? Yes

92. Been in a band? No

93. Drank 25 sodas in a day? No

94. Broken a c.d.? Yes

95. Shot a gun? No

96. Been on myspace for more than 5 hours? No

97. Hated yourself? Yes

98. Have a major crush on someone? Yes

99. have you ever stabed someone? No

100. Wonder what people would say at your funeral? Yes

009

Tue, 07 Feb 2006 02:11:38 GMT

i wish that it was easier done than said. and i'm pretty sure i wish i had the ability to time travel whenever i wanted.
then i could be reminded of what it's like to be truelly happy again.
sneaking around in hometowns. singing those songs. doing those things.

i hate this inbetween stage.
i wont grow up. i'll fight it.. kicking and screaming.

"the worst is over"
has not been my theme song this year. it's probably just beginning.

step 1: pick a major
step 2: finish school
step 3: marry the boy
step 4: MOVE THE FUCK OUT OF TENNESSEE.

grow up and move far far far away. i'm thinking about teaching english in japan. how is that for miles away from everything you knew?

i have to say goodbye to my dog until june.
i have to decide on what school to graduate from.
i have to save up my money.
i have to see what i have and look past what i don't.

this is all i have to offer.
sometimes that isn't ever enough.
sometimes it's more than enough.

in a few days i'm being reunited with old best friend/s.
can i say i'm over hating clarksville? i'm over it.
but only because i only went back maybe 5 times last year.
i'm a horrible horrible daughter.

008

Tue, 31 Jan 2006 04:12:09 GMT

the creepiest thing happend to me today after my night class. I was leaving my computer science class and walking down the hallway to the exit stairs in the kom when this coke machine turned on right as i got near it. i stopped because it really scared me.. i mean it all of a sudden lit up and started making noises... then it made that sound it makes when someone puts a dollar in the slot and i pressed a button to see if maybe i could get a free coke. well it started making the noise it does when you get a coke but i never got one.. it started beeping and these weird symbols showed up on the red thing that tells you how much a drink is. i freaked out and ran down the stairs. that building freaks me out so bad.

i went with my roommates and boyfriend to the mall today. we had a full car and it felt really nice. little family.
i must say i have an amazing life.
i have to look for a new place to live soon!!!!

008

Sat, 28 Jan 2006 06:15:36 GMT

i'm at my daddy's house. tomorrow is my stepsister's wedding shower.
i'm really excited for her. i'm really nervous about tomorrow though.
i don't like big groups of people i don't know.. especially when they know who i am.
i pretty much plan on hiding in the kitchen and helping my dad cook.

i hungout with my dad all day. he took me shopping so i wouldn't feel embarassed tomorrow.
i didn't have anything to wear and he knows that it doesn't matter what i look like.. but he knows that unless i had something decent to wear i'd be embarassed. if that makes sense.
he bought me ttwo lovely outfits and a pair of shoes from gap.
he also bought me cooking stuff.

i think he did this because so much attention is on natalie and he feels like i should be getting something too?
he's a good dad. even when i say he isn't. he really is.

and elliott is an amazing human being. no one has ever been this patient with me outside of my parents.
i guess i'm lucky.

i miss this. good luck beth. i love you always. look how young we look.

007

Wed, 25 Jan 2006 06:00:21 GMT

stolen from robot_fever

Two Names You Go by
1. stephanie
2. steffie

Two Things That Scare You
1. zombies
2. big fishl

Two Everyday Essentials
1. make up
2. smokes

Two Things You Are Wearing Right Now.
1. jeans
2. big earings.

Two of Your Favorite Bands or Musical Artists
1. rilo kiley
2. the mountain goats

Two Truths
1. i'm always sleepy
2. i'm passive aggressive

Two things You hate:
1. rude customers
2. messy rooms

Two Physical Things that Appeal to You
1. eyes
2. smiles

Two of Your Favorite Hobbies
1. drawing
2. sewing

Two Things You Want Really Badly
1. to know what i want to do after school
2. more adventures

Two Places You Want to go on Vacation
1. australia
2. japan

Two Things You Want to Do Before You Die
1. live my life completely
2. have a family

Two People You Miss Right Now
1. my momma
2. all my friends i never see

Two Movies You Could Watch Over and Over
1. girl, interrupted
2. the wedding singer

Two Foods You Can't Live Without
1. ramen
2. chips and salsa

Two Places You'd Like to Live
1. canada
2. japan

Two Things You've Been Putting Off
1. losing weight
2. computer science lab

Two Pets You've Had in Your Life
1. charles the poop machine .. jack russell
2. jerry my salamander

Two Favorite Childhood Cartoons
1. rocko's modern life
2. doug

Two Qualities You Like in Yourself
1. i'm quiet
2. i'm very understanding.

i didn't go to one of my classes today because i was in line at a stoplight for 20 minutes and would have been really late by the time i parked and walked to my class.
it should take me five minutes to get to campus but it takes me 20 freakin minutes to get through one stop light!!! MADNESS.

i've read 5 books in one month. all at work. i'm on a roll!!!!
i've been sleeping a lot and then waking up but feeling like i'm still in a dream lately. it's really weird.
i had this dream today that i was in a living room that was flooded and a murder happend and it ended up being this puppet dressed up as an american girl doll. it was really weird.

i'm going to lose weight and live in a bathing suit this summer. watch out.

006

Tue, 24 Jan 2006 03:55:45 GMT

i'm having panick attacks about my major again.
i can't decide what i want to do.
i want to write, i want to design, i want to capture moments on film, i want to be an explorer, i want to play with dogs.

this is a nightmare.
i need prayer.
i need faith.
i need guidence.